Lunatic Fringe

The holiday season has steamed on through, how was yours? I had one of the best Christmases that I can remember. I made a concerted effort this year to try and see everybody significant in my life, and really slow everything down; and I can honestly say it went well, very stress free, something I didn't expect at all. For Christmas one of my gifts was a life-sized David Ortiz standup cut-out, needless to say it is a great conversation piece as well as an object which inspires terror deep in the bowels of my black lab Mickey. There have been some interesting encounters between those two, my two year old spoiled by my mother dog, and a large piece of cardboard, good times for all. This Christmas season featured some spirited board games between family members, I must say Chip and myself make a rather formidable Scene-It team, though Jon is pretty nasty, I think his girlfriend might have him in training watching Pretty in Pink and Sleepless in Seattle and shit like that, not that I...

To believe they never would. I had a wonderful time last night, attributable both to good company and negative ions (which in fact are the good ones, that make you feel giddy). But we'll get to that later, agreed? Once again the Christmas season is upon us, what's your favorite Christmas memory? Does everyone kinda have just one that always sums up to you what Christmas is all about? Whenever you hear a Christmas song or see lights or wrapping paper that's what you remember, you picture that person place or time and you go back to there. I know I have mine, and for the past few years that's what Christmas has been about. The thought of this idea always brings me back to something Tolstoy wrote, in his confessions; "That's what is amazing! It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; once we are sober we cannot help seeing that it is all a delusion..." Each year it seems like it's harder to get away from the idea that my Christmas memory...

...another chick on my tip but it wonn't be you baby. Good times were had by all Friday. Some quick stats: Year until John Belmont knocks out Fro, this has been offered as a fact by John starting on November 5th 2005. Number of patties on my burger at Denny's. Number of people the waitresses could downsize their list of unattractive people at our table to. My favorite number (you needed to know that). o'clock a.m. the time we went to Denny's. ish, the time I got home. So there you go, after seconds of exhuastive research and twice as much time creative imbellishment you have the numbers for the night. Of course you will not get the number of spare tires Joe B. and I changed Friday night, nor the number of times I slapped the girl on the ass who was helping us, nor the number of excellent sexual innuendos I was able to make based on the common jargon and instruments used while changing a tire. But I owe you the loyal reader more than that, and I've got some time to k...

What do we know about social order? I have a sort of pet theory wherein people like to hang out in groups where everyone plays a role which is mutually beneficial to the pack. Like where semi-good looking chicks hang out with duds so as to look better, or where, well you get the idea, the term tool comes from situations as this being so. And then there is that rare breed of person who evolves within a group, so's to fill a role; or simply find a niche which is comfortable. It has been supposed, and I myself have nominated that the J-Bird is one of the finest haters our generation has ever seen. Let me espouse some of the qualifications and criteria which comprise a top-notch hater: The hater must have at some point been hated upon, the Bird has certainly been hated upon; you can ask his former girlfriend about this being so. The hater must be extremely hypocritical, such as when the Bird tells someone their actions are wrong when in fact he is simply jealous and would readily commi...

Because I have been a buzz-kill all day Sunday, I decided to unload it all right here, the guilty shall remain anonymous and I shall feel better. Kind of like putting a knife into the side of a jack o'lantern and leaving it on somebody's doorstep with a note attached that says YOU! Anyways, here goes, give it a read if you have like four spare hours and hate people too! They give me warmth, my eight brothers. I taste the blood of lands I've never been upon. And just now it occurs to me I am not alone, the past is upon the wall. Music enters softly into my being. There is not space left for feeling there, any longer. Rather I am, I am quite full; in counting I am at some sort of apex, but I have seen too many winters in mind, and my eyes are growing tired. It seems cynicism is a great elixer against the tonic of life that is youth. I draw the cup to my lips, this is the blood of the faith, I am of the fruit of the great defender, wrong as we ever may be, our histories are re...

I had a particularly unpleasant conversation tonight, it was quite mundane in detail, brief in length; and meaningless I'm sure, come tomorrow. But as for the here and present, I find I am quite agitated, mini-survey time folks, as I'm sure if you are reading this you know me reasonably well, and I like to think you think despite my eccentricities I am a rather level-headed person, but anyway the crux of this is as follows: If I was obviously upset, and leaned over to you and whispered in your ear to never, ever talk to me again, and then followed this by either not returning your phone calls or hanging up on you, what would you do? My guess is you'd possibly come personally to see me, or perhaps write an apology for the situation that had brought about the new state of affairs; but more likely if I were to tell someone not to talk to me it'd mean they probably cared about me as much as I did they, and such an insolvent bond could easily enough be broken as to leave bot...

But it appears you suck, a lot. Yesterday I was treated to both the Sox and the Bills getting slapped about by their various opponents, I had the face that people who commit road rage make. Losman didn't suck when I saw him in Buffalo in week one, maybe somebody told him that out of bounds was a good reciever and he should throw to him often, something like that. Anyway, the Buffalo trip; it was a very fun one. Multiple Fernallds, Belmonts, and Grates and I made the trip. Everyone was up bright and early, and extra cranky right out of the shoot. Somebody forgot to bring any number of restraining devices for Chris Belmont, and the best we could do was put him all the way in the back, which did very little, if nothing to stifle his bitter-aggression. Like an extra drunk John Stockton at an in-laws family reunion, Cb was dishing insults to everybody in sight; so it was a pretty routine trip. We did some nice tail-gating before the game, threw some alcohol down of course and then heade...

It's lonely where we are. And still we stay the night, to talk it all away. I ask so many questions when I know you're listening; and still I'm sure you ask me more. It seems around this time of year the questions always turn out the same, yours and mine. How I get to you, where you and I meet; how we'll ever be the same. I'll not forget the questions, though they be too numerous to ever put down by heart. To be most certain though, I'll never forget your answers, when you finally spoke that rainy night. You told me I'd always be alone, and that's why it was ok, I'd always be with you. Do you remember the night I tried to live, the first time I really heard you laugh out loud? The stars shining, the breeze restless as it always is; pushing through trees whose leaves have long ago decided there's someplace else they long to go. Your answers were never silence, I felt a little foolish at first; I didn't know what understanding really was, how i...

I had an interesting conversation late last night with someone I've known for a few years about relationships. We seemed to come to the same conclusion as to the effects of bad things happening to good people. We kinda thought bad things most likely happen to everybody, I specifically like to think humanity has been more or less a crap-shoot. What I mean to say is that I think the idea of such a thing as kharma or fate are only so significant as the esteem in which they are held by the individual; if you believe in fate for example, you'd be inclined to believe that whatever comes your way was more or less supposed to be that way, no matter the decision or reaction to a situation, the cards have long ago been dealt. Or all the old addages, what goes around comes around, reap what you sew, do unto others... could it be simply that we believe that if we ascribe to a certain set of general conduct rules, commandments, or other various doctrines of faith we are somehow due in ...

I sometimes dream in full movies, and I did last night so I gotta post it because it was cool and weird as hell, so here it goes... It was kinda like myself and some of my friends were vampire hunters, like John Carpenter's Vampires and I was James Woods only I looked the part. We were battling vampires at Sangertown Mall and doing well. The coolest part about the dream would had to have been whenever I was walking, that cool John Carpenter music followed me around. The one from his crappy escape movies but I had a cool snake Plisken vibe going, giving off cool one liners and such. The fights got bad and I lost my team in some pretty sad ways, mainly because we ran outta of gear (we only had holy water and wooden arrows). Tony for example was turned into a vampire in the arcade (I know the arcades gone but I remember what was good and pure) and I was forced to use the last of my holy water on him. John was trapped inside the Sicilian delight and didn't make it out. I was able t...

That I'll get poison ivy or one of it's ilk. Because that's how I roll. It's not as bad as the storm of '99 if anybody can remember how freakishly bad I looked; so that's good, but in the meantime I want to alternately cry, break stuff, and finally and most tantalizing of my urges I like to take the large knife conveniently situated nearby and poke my skin where it itches. Soothing, yes but not nearly enough. I can say with much certainty that I came in contact with this lovely predicament while in the gorge with none other than the infamous Joe B, checking out a waterfalls spot that he enjoys. Hey, I enjoyed hanging out there too, even going so far as to tout the re-invigorating effect of the free ions in the air around waterfalls and mountains. But my tune is slightly different now, that spot sucks; I can still picture Joe with the shovel whacking at all the bushes he could swing at, I know well enough not to disturb poison ivy or sumac or oak (somebody else d...

Here he is! That crazy bastard is in town, fresh off of foreign soils and North Carolina, which I believe was founded in the late 1800s by German Astronauts off the coast of Madison Square Garden. Forensic experts speculate that Waldo started drinking at roughly noon on Monday, his cousin and Timmy later confirmed that for me when they came to get me. So being the nice friend I am I got Waldo a shot, and we proceeded to Chrissie Ho's house in Ilion. Waldo was driving for some reason, and we stopped at DeJohns where Kyle told the cashier to fudge off about 8 times and then knocked some shit over he was going to steal. That's how he rolls broseph, and on we went to Chrissie's *shhhhhh alert* (Waldo may or may not have driven on a nearby lawn, that is purely speculation and if you ask me I'll deny it). Needless to say Waldo was stricken from driving for the rest of the evening. In the meantime Paul Grates and myself had a nice little couple of games of cards at Chrissies, ...

To go to Tom Petty, unless you went. The show was fantastic, the girl passing out on my legs however, was not. About 95% of Ilion goes to Tom Petty shows, according to my exhaustive census research. Woody/Jenn, Chad/Ho, Sven/Smash, Boner, Peter, Monie/Stacy, B Wallace, Nikki D and that Sam girl were all in our pre-concert platoon. And all of them took turns asking me why I had a long sleeved shirt on, so the communal spirit was alive and well. Much drinking was done, some folks even played a little beer pong, I met a guy named Pete who looked nothing like the Pete I knew. The Pete I know kind of looked like what Ray Charles would have looked like if he were white, so I gave him some glasses, ask him about it when you get a chance, it's funny. When you go to a concert like that one can't help but be extremely grateful for being single, hot chicks dig Tom Petty, big time. But when you watch the show, you kinda want to have a girl, so you can lean on them when your legs get tired,...

This off-season I was pretty stoked for the Mets signing of free-agent outeilder Carlos Beltran, even though i knew his numbers would slip a lil playing in Shea. Never in life would I have expected the type of player we got. His sub-par numbers (.268 BA 12HR 53RBI) are mediocre at best, and for player a people were expecting a 40/40 season from, he has 5 stolen bases this year. Watching him at the plate is the biggest joke of my life. It's to the point now I long for the days of a Jay Payton, or a Daryl Hamilton, or even a Butch Husky, please. The main reason Beltran loses me so much though is his utter dis-respect for hustle. Not running out fly balls or grounders, lack of concentration in the feild, are just parts of the reasons i wish the signing never took place. To think Victor Diaz is wasting away in the minors, trying to learn to play 1ST, for what, an overpayed bum to watch his pop-ups get dropped. All the trade talks about sending away Cameran, maybe we could send away Car...

Top 5 things from the past week: 1 Wallace on the hood of that broads car as she drove fast, he screaming. You put the mental picture together. 2 Timmy beating the shat out of the door to his home, Wallace trying to calm him down; only to have large objects thrown at him. 3 Wallace throwing a chair at Jay Bird. 4 Joe B crying in front of my computer at 5 in the morning about a truck that looks like his old one; "you never forget your first truck card" 5 Going to hell, and realizing they are calling it Skate-o-rama these days, it's on Whitesboro street, check it out. Wallace, he's Satan, he likes the place, what are you gonna do? Petty concert is coming up pretty soon, kinda want to go, who else is going? I need a show of hands people (put your hand down you dumb ass). Matt Reina makes excellent pulled pork, it is now a fact of life that you must deal with when you are hungry. If you like middle fingers, check out Gia Vallone's photo albums, she has lots of them i...

Calling a chick a punt -p +c is a bad idea, doing it a second time in the same night will not cancel out the first one, it accrues. Dumb people should be placed upside-down in a large crate and shipped to a different hemisphere than whatever one I may choose to be in. If they manage to walk home after they are dropped off, maybe I was right, they're not dumb, just mutants. So far this summer, if you were keeping score on Gia falling, this is what you'd have in terms of observation points: Me: 2, The rest of the world: 0. How does that happen? Craig Wright can deliver the hell out of a pizza (or can he)? The mets aren't as bad as everybody says they are, they're worse. Bob Saget: most underrated actor of this or any generation, there will be no debate on this subject. With the addition of this year's draft class, I now know 7 players in the NBA. When the hell did Bill Cartwright and Kenny "Sky" Walker retire? Those young fellas could sure play. Red heads, ...

So it's been a week since last weekend, one of those things right? But I'm still alive, and no longer any the worse for wear. I had a scrumtrelescant time at Marla's reception (congrats kids). There were many Ptarkness running around, and even more jack and cokes; so I had it all. The Demmas were excellent hosts, at one point we even almost got to beat some guy up, I was pulling like heck for that to happen, but hey I always root for the underdog- mainly for the underdog to do something stupid enough to get beat up for. I slapped a lot of asses, (I wonder if a theme has officially developed yet on that front) mingled a little bit, and told a bunch of stories that may or may not have made any sense at all. Ask around, I'm sure there are pictures out there to prove it...but the real moral of the story is, when you go to a reception, you should really look into staying as long as you can drinking hard liquor, and then getting a ride home long after you've forgotten wha...

Starting today actually. I have more stuff to do than I have me to go around. Today is Jon's birthday, and it is also my parents anniversary (they always happen on the same day around the same time of year, who'd have thought?). I have work, which should be nice; then I have my cousin Marla's wedding. I love Marla, and the wedding will be great, except they make me extremely nervous, agitated, and prone to consume mass amounts of alcohol to combat the situation- I have the great ability to project myself in the situation, and then I hit the panic button, and thats never good. But we got our fingers crossed over here, and we're hoping I don't freak out, well I'm hoping, for the most part nobody else will give a shit, and for good reason. Then it's fourth of July, so gonna try and make a run at .'s party-perhaps just crash into the lake for good measure, get that out of the way- I like fireworks so as a rule it's a good time of year. And I'm going ...

Is what I was listening to on Sunday. And it was ridiculously good, Skynyrd played one of the best sets I've ever listened to in my days. As for the whole day it was awesome, did the rounds in the parking lot a few times with Girth Brooks, Wallace, Mitch, Longo, and other assorted revelers. We had the unique opportunity to become members of the "Utica Club," as I was forced to show off my beer funneling prowess on more than one occasion. Decon was there, discussing the impending Memorial Day 2006 bash; new venue, more bands- at least now I have something to look forward to for '06. Did I mention cowboys hats and pickup trucks are great accesories for chicks? Because thats out there now, and it was working for most every girl in the parking lot, then again beer my system seems to always go nicely on girls- so thats some sort of triple threat right there. The one low point of the concert-day occured when this bus full of rank amateurs pulled up (it should be n...

Another wonderful night at Timmys, and a brief encounter with a certain girl who hails from the Buffalo region these days. The idea of taking a camcorder out to document a typical night was discussed between shots of terrible, terrible, terrible whiskey last night. I for one am all for it, provided people's faces are blurred out for legal purposes, as well as self esteem issues. Last night for example would have been a great night to record things, so that whatever the hell ended up in those pancakes could have been seen; it was like the equivalent of 50 cases of grain alcohol into my jugular vein. One thing that wasn't in those pancakes was watermelon though, because that ended up in/on Wallace's car->then onto Tommy D's back. I wish I was a picture guy, there would be pictures of that, because funny it was. Today is Saturday, which makes tomorrow Sunday/Father's Day/Skynyrd Day. I'm pumped, it's gonna be a nice little Sunday, if you haven't gotten ...