I've been inclined...

To believe they never would. I had a wonderful time last night, attributable both to good company and negative ions (which in fact are the good ones, that make you feel giddy). But we'll get to that later, agreed? Once again the Christmas season is upon us, what's your favorite Christmas memory? Does everyone kinda have just one that always sums up to you what Christmas is all about? Whenever you hear a Christmas song or see lights or wrapping paper that's what you remember, you picture that person place or time and you go back to there. I know I have mine, and for the past few years that's what Christmas has been about. The thought of this idea always brings me back to something Tolstoy wrote, in his confessions; "That's what is amazing! It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; once we are sober we cannot help seeing that it is all a delusion..." Each year it seems like it's harder to get away from the idea that my Christmas memory is a delusion, but maybe it's so for everyone else, which is why we seek out the friends and family closest to us to try and recreate those special memories, to rekindle the mysteries which abounded in our hearts before we fell sleep after hearing C.C. Moore's Night Before Christmas. Once we stop believing it gets a little harder, magic is never so special when you know all the tricks. But these are all just guesses, maybe it just kinda takes a little longer every year to fully catch the spirit, growing up seems to be all about everything going by so much faster, though the good things seem to be ever slower in their approach.

Ah, but I know it's not so bad as all of that, I'm excited to see my friends, I think Chrissie and Beth's Christmas party this weekend will be a lot of fun and I can't wait to go. I hope we all get a chance between the tons of laughs we'll have to talk about something quasi-serious for ten minutes and everyone will pretend to be changed for the experience and we'll all go to bed thinking about something great we'll do tomorrow, the probability of that ever happening probably depends on the sort of evolution you believe in, so we'll see.
But last night was one of the best times I've had in recent memory:

Facts:

• I am a big fan of waterfalls, Joe B is too. Somehow we have that in common, but I kind of have the sneaking suspicion that everybody likes waterfalls except for the small percentage of the population who got drunk in a canoe one day and accidentally went over one and lost their wallet and all their beer. I feel for those people.
• In a pinch I can hop behind the bar and do a little damage, my knowledge of drinks being limited I am often forced to rely on my good looks and witty stories to keep the otherwise dissatisfied with my sub-par drink making consumers at bay.
• I am going to refer to the parties in the following accounts merely as Ms. Pink, Ms. White, and Ms. Black; because Reservoir Dogs was a cool movie.
• Ms. Pink knows tons of children's tunes.

So I went over to Timmy's with Joe Bird and hung out with Timmy, Aiello, Perry, and Wallace before he had to go to his AYSO game. -On a tangent, is there anybody hotter than P.J. Grates right about now? He needs to get on top of 41 1/2, he gets 42. He rapes and pillages people in dice like he's the bad guy from that Bond movie with the loaded dice in Backgammon, and then he sees Perry after Perry won a poker tournament and is promptly paid the 80 dollars owed to him from a year old bet. Good times for the Grates man for sure. But back to the matter at hand, Tim, Aiello, Perry, and I (Wallace had left to pick up his date from pre-k) got into an in-depth conversation regarding the many splendors of Chuck Norris, simply put Norris lives an amazing life, and has kept the beard from extinction for the last 20+ years using an uncanny combination of impeccable martial arts skills and exercise equipment infomercials. So after it was decided that Norris is the reason for the season we went to Whitey's Brass Tack, and had a few cocktails. The place looks real sharp by the way, all done up with the Christmas decorations and what have you, poinsettias all in place, just a super time in there if you are so inclined to go. Well anyway, I do my bartending thing, keeping them extra stiff for Timmy and the Hater Bird, and that's where this story really starts cooking.

Joe B probably had a little too much of whatever he had to eat for dinner, and needed to "go home and go to bed." Or so I was lead to believe, and all was forsaken as we struggled to decide what to do in Joe B's absence when lo and behold who should return? No, not the Kool-Aid Man, but rather Joe B, ohhhhhhhh yea! And Joe had a waterfall he wished to share with us, because he knows how much I enjoy them (you remember the last time Joe and I hung out near a waterfall, I got the poison ivy, real clutch stuff). So Ms. Pink, Ms. White, and Ms. Black piled into JB's one horse open sleigh-silverado and went dashing through the snow 'til we reached our destination. It was a scenic little spot, and everybody was enjoying the view coupled with the three carolers belting out children's songs as well as an eclectic mix of classic and contemporary radio hits, ranging from the Eagles, to REO Speedwagon, to Journey, and whatever the hell else Joe B's impressive vocal range could cover, because that kid's got some pipes folks. After everyone's toes started to freeze off Joe decided to stop into the office to check on his equipment real quick, and the ladies snapped some fantastic commemorative photos from their trip. And I feel certain I laughed like the merry fool I was the entire time all of this was going on.

So your mission for these coming weeks folks? Make Christmas awesome for somebody you care a ton about (maybe even make them a new favorite Christmas memory in the process), but also do something awesome for someone you hardly know, get this whole Christmas cheer thing spread right the hell out all over everybody you see. Do it because it's a great thing to do and it'll make you feel great, and because I borrowed Santa's list; and it won't be Santa's sleigh crashing into your living room at 2:30 in the morning if you're naughty, it'll be Joe B's Silverado, and I'll have a sack full of ass whoopings just for you if you don't.