Surreal

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30 Good Ones.

Birthdays make me squeamish. Holidays do too. And for that matter so do closing cabinets, opening envelopes, the changing of the seasons, and the passing of most cyclical events. I’ve been struggling with this birthday lately, perhaps because it didn’t give me the sort of anxious feelings that were any different than the ones I’ve always felt this time of year. We as humans like round numbers, we attach value to them, laud them, commemorate them, and build our lives around them. I’ve always struggled with them, forcing me to count has always forced me to count the things I miss, my beloved grandmother, and the darling Cocker Spaniels I’ll never see again. These round numbers to me are quite heavy, but of course this is no one’s fault, just a matter of fact, much like mile markers along the road we are all traveling, they are no more or less special to me than they are for anyone else, they just are. But still these thoughts persist, and I think I think the best I can surmise about th...
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TWIMorMNC (You may be who you think you are)

My head spins when I get something in it, when I lie down everything just starts coming off sideways. Guess I really am unbalanced. Give it time, sleep on it, you’ll see it too, different vantage, different point of view. I thought about figuring out a different change, new solutions to old problems, shoot the idea in mind full of holes, but then I get a sneaking suspicion that these are sinking thoughts. Next thing you know, they’ll tell me hope floats, I know better, down here everything stinks. Someone said something once, about a sad girl, a long time ago, to me. But I won't bore you with the details, I'll tell you something else that's mundane instead. And here's what I told her. And I'll be specific. What’s passed is past, I’m sure you're smiling now, being unhappy about being sad is never a condition that lasts too long, it's important to remember that. In any case it’s when you realize nothing at all is a condition that lasts too long, that you’re r...
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A second's thought.

And there are moments when you see the whole world, in a way you'd never imagine, though just as it's forever been. It's not the world that's different, just you, just a different point of view. And you're caught in that moment, even as the world is still spinning, an indelible moment in a world of incessant change. And it all matters because it's the love of something, something temporal, something forever fleeting. In the mean time the world carries on as before, the briefest of sunsets like a knowing wink to wit that even this too will someday change. There's an idea that it should all be different- the world as it is, and love- to be the other way around. But maybe everything should be just exactly as it is. At least just for now. And I wonder if this is something I'll remember for the rest of my life.
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